Stop that Vicious Gossip - FamilyVision Column
Posted on October 21, 2008 - Filed Under women\'s eye care | Leave a Comment
She peeks outside her window as if no one can see her. Ms. Creola is the community gossiper. Later, Ms. Creola watches Sylvia, her neighbor across the street. Sylvia is married, but her husband regularly travels out of town. Ms. Creola notices that a minister regularly visits her monthly. Ms. Creola believes Sylvia is having an affair. She spreads this news all around town. As a result, Sylvia is hurt by this gossip. Sylvia’s community scandalizes the minister. Unfortunately, this minister is Sylvia’s cousin. Everyone in the community feels bad. The damage is already been done, however. Ms. Creola is nowhere to be found.
Introduction
Have you ever been lied on? Did you track the source? Gossip is an evil tool used to destroy a person’s character. At some point in time, you’ve probably been exposed to gossip or rumors; you might have given or received this information. How did you feel? Gossip usually has some aspect of truth to make it believable. If you look around your office, church, and community, you can find someone who has been damaged by gossip. No one can escape it. Gossip is no respecter of status or rank in our societynot judge, minister, celebrity, handicap, or child. Gossip spreads like a wild fire. It is almost always negative.
The Gossip Connection
What does it mean to gossip? According to the Webster Dictionary, gossip refers to rumors, and idle talk, especially about the affairs of others. It can happen to anyone—even me. While in junior high school, I remember talking with some guys from school near a busy intersection. The guys started smoking marijuana; I wasn’t participating. However, one student saw us talking. The next day at school the story came out that I was smoking with them (yes, I was in the wrong place at the time). I marveled at the speed of this information. I knew where the rumors came from. I laughed it off. The gossip eventually flamed out, and my reputation was left intact. Many people have not been as lucky as me. Unfortunately, most people get their reputations damaged, but they are not able to track the origin of the gossip. The people who spread the gossip throw mud and hide in the shadow of the dark. These gossipers who intentionally destroy a person’s reputation are like criminals who fatally shoot people in the back. Do they deserve a fair trial in court? It’s not fair that someone can throw out slanderous remarks with little evidence and folks still believe it. Gossipers can’t wash their hands in the matter and hope that the blood is not on their hands. (It didn’t work for Pontius Pilate and it won’t work for you.)
The Gossip Test
Before you go spread any rumors, you should ask yourself some questions:
Do you know anyone hurt from gossip?
Do you start gossip about people or just help spread it?
What do you do when someone shares vicious rumors?
Do you feel an obligation to tell others about gossip?
How do you feel when someone’s reputation is damaged?
The Gossip Resolution
Everyone has some flaws; however, people who accuse others often fail to see their own shortcomings. Jean Toomer once said, ” All men have faults. Small men are blind to their own, and therefore main small.” Each person is responsible to determine how he or she will deal with gossip and the source. Try not to place yourself in compromising positions that will stimulate rumors. This is often difficult to foresee. Try to be prudent in your approach. Another way to deal with gossip is to insert your name into the story. How does it make you feel? Good? Stay far away from gossipers. It could easily be you next. Start today and gain control.
Daryl and Estraletta Green provide personal advice all around the country. Daryl is the author of two books, Awakening the Talents Within and My Cup Runneth Over. They have been noted and quoted in such media organizations such as USA Today, NBC’s Alive at Five, Heaven 600, Answerline, American Urban Radio, The Bev Smith Show, The Hallerin Hill Show, Ebony Magazine, and BET’s Buy the Book. The Green’s nationally syndicated column, FamilyVision, reached 200 newspapers and over 12 million readers. For a free list of the Green’s Top Ten Life, Changing Books, you can email at their website, http://www.darylandestraletta.com
Tags: family, gossip, happiness, marriage, self help, self improvement, womenIs it Goal Planning or Goal Tending
Posted on October 12, 2008 - Filed Under women\'s eye care | Leave a Comment
At any given moment, you may find yourself caught off guard leading to losing the game, missing the playoffs, or never seeing the opportunity staring you right in the face. This was my life growing up. Always being prepared for action and in a constant state of ready to block, catch, deflect, run, punt or defend my team’s lifeline, the goal. In short, I was a goalie in soccer.
Recently I was watching a soccer game on TV and my instincts instantly transported me back 20 years to when I was a goalie, a goaltender. Goal Tending is very active; you are on the field playing, accessing, looking, anticipating and predicting what will happen. Some times, you never touch the ball; yet other times, you just can’t seem to get rid of it. The job of the goalie is to see the entire field because you have the best vantage point to guide and move the team toward success.
Every month, I would do my “goal planning“; to figure out what I wanted accomplished such as the stats I wanted to hit or things I wanted to do. So, this week, month, or year, challenge yourself to take a different vantage point when working with your goals. Yes, taking time to plan them is still critical to the success, but it goes even one-step further by getting in the game and playing an active role of goal tending - all four quarters! How many of us at the close of each week, month and/or year, evaluate how we did, either on paper or in our heads?
Questions we often ask ourselves could be did we hit our goals? Are we where we want to be? Are we disappointed because we realize we are still talking, dreaming, and planning the same things, but have not moved any closer towards them? Are you caught up in blaming others for lack of forward movement or is it just easier to bury your head in the sand and pretend it doesn’t matter anyway?
Here is a quick exercise for taking an active approach with your goals and completing the challenge for a year, a quarter, a month or a week. I think of it as goal tending instead of goal planning and here is why, goal planning is a very passive act and goal tending is a very active act. You are always on your toes ready for action, keeping your eyes open and on the lookout for the unexpected. Adding this to your planning stage will let you see just how far you have come and where you going; so grab a pen and paper and let us get started!
Look back at your past week, quarter, or year; take a moment to recall five victories?
What are four things you are most grateful for this year?
What three things did you want to accomplish in this timeframe, but could not or did not?
What two things would you have done differently knowing what you know now?
What is one thing you did to make a difference in another person’s life, (even if it was not evident to him or her)?
Did you notice how you could quickly assess if you are going where you want to be going, or if you need to redirect something quickly before you are caught off guard? It allows a different vantage point to come into play. If you are actively involved in your goals and your dreams, you will be able to change directions or even destinations all together if you choose. Why?
Simply because you knew where you were going and the direction you were heading .. you were able to see things before they were missed and before you needed a wake up call.
How many years on January 1st , or the next quarter, week or day, have you said to yourself, “I want to lose weight, begin working out, make more money, do something different, or spend more time with my family”; but in a few months, days and sometimes even hours, it seems that those “goals or promises” were just good ideas and no longer hold the same grand commitment as when we started? Why is the first commitment we seem to break is always the one to ourselves, when ideally it should be the first one we honor? What is this doing to our own self-confidence?
What is missing? The missing piece is we do not always see that the relationship with our self, our own thoughts and communication holds any power to create the world in which we live and without this awareness, we become our biggest enemy. This alone keeps us from trying new things and going for the elixir of life. As soon as we start something new, the small voice inside us starts chattering away with comments like, “you will never stick with this”, “why are you bothering, your just going to give up”, or “why are you trying this again, you know you are going to quit”. This internal conversation is set in motion each time we start breaking our promises to ourselves.
So, as this week, month, quarter or year comes to a close, think of something you wanted to do for yourself, but suddenly found yourself too busy, tired, financial strapped, or overwhelmed to follow through with and finish. This could be something as simple as having a friend say they are going to do something you counted on, but they didn’t and now you are feeling disappointed, frustrated and will tend to NOT trust this person in the future. Is this same friend someone you will call when you really need something? Probably not! Yet most of us have this kind of relationship with our most valuable resource, our “self”. Without knowing what we are doing, our beliefs that we are never sure we can stick to what we need to do when put to the test starts to take root. For the next few weeks, give yourself a priceless gift, one no one else can give you. A relationship with yourself, where you honor yourself in the words you say, the actions you take and the thoughts you think.
Heather Lynn Jergens MSC
“The Super Woman’s Guide”
Creator of A Woman’s “S” Factor.
Heather is a nationally known speaker and best selling author, with her newest book, Hanging On By a Thread, due out in December 2005. She leads workshops and classes focusing on A Woman’s “S” Factor - Sculpting your spirit and soothing your soul. Her gift is touching women with her gentle strength, sense of play and incredible insight.
Through her workshops, books, articles and websites, she strives to touch the hearts of women who feel pulled apart at the seams. Heather, also known as Savvy Sage, brings light with her powerful, yet simple ways to bring women back to their center.
Visit her at http://www.tatteredcape.com and http://www.heatherlynnjergens.com
Tags: balance, coach, goal planning, personal growth, self help, spirit, stress, womenHow Bodacious Women Get Unstuck and Make a Decision
Posted on October 4, 2008 - Filed Under women\'s eye care | Leave a Comment
When it comes to making a decision, sometimes we get so wrapped around the axel we’re paralyzed and can’t move forward. You become captive to your fears. Being in this place is no party! At one point in my AOL career, I was debating whether or not to ask my manager for what I wanted: To go part-time. I had recently been accepted to grad school and I quickly determined that continuing to do 60-hour weeks at AOL along with grad school while finalizing my divorce was too much.
I didn’t want to leave AOL altogether, but part-time was an oxymoron at that place! And anyways, we didn’t have a part-time position in my group. Once I voiced my request I wondered if “the powers that be” would think I was pulling back and decide I should leave, like now. I was stuck and afraid. What to do? What to do? What to do?
I was stuck in this quandary. Then a way to get unstuck came to me. You see, Bodacious Women have the courage to figure out what to do in uncomfortable situations. You can use it, too, for those sticky, stucky moments. Here it is:
1. Imagine the worst-case scenario of the decision you’re trying to make or the risk you want to take.
Sit down, tell it to a friend or someone you trust, and paint the complete picture with all the events, people, and especially your feelings. From your cozy chair, experience as much as possible what the worst case would feel like.
2. Ask yourself what you would do if this worse case happened.
What would you do? What would you say? To whom? How might they react? How would you react? If you can answer these kind of questions with some degree of confidence, then you can handle it. It may not be fun, it may not be pretty, but you can handle it. Likely, you’ve handled something at least as intense before. Remember?
3. Ask yourself the likelihood of the worst case happening.
Most of the time, we paint the most horrible picture, and then it doesn’t materialize. It’s a great monument to our imagination. Perhaps more of us should write movie screenplays. So, something between Terrific! and Ugh! is probably reality. Hey, good news! You’ve already determined you can handle that, too. Piece of cake. Make a decision and go for it!
Copyright 2006 Mary Foley
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During a successful, demanding, rising through the ranks 10 year career with America Online Mary learned that the only way to thrive in today’s world is to be bold, positive, and courageous - bodacious! Today Mary inspires women everywhere to be bodacious in their lives, careers and businesses. You can be inspired, too! Get a free copy of Mary’s e-book “How to Be Courageously in Charge of Your Life and Lovin’ It!” at http://www.gobodacious.com ! |