Stop that Vicious Gossip - FamilyVision Column
Posted on October 21, 2008 - Filed Under women\'s eye care | Leave a Comment
She peeks outside her window as if no one can see her. Ms. Creola is the community gossiper. Later, Ms. Creola watches Sylvia, her neighbor across the street. Sylvia is married, but her husband regularly travels out of town. Ms. Creola notices that a minister regularly visits her monthly. Ms. Creola believes Sylvia is having an affair. She spreads this news all around town. As a result, Sylvia is hurt by this gossip. Sylvia’s community scandalizes the minister. Unfortunately, this minister is Sylvia’s cousin. Everyone in the community feels bad. The damage is already been done, however. Ms. Creola is nowhere to be found.
Introduction
Have you ever been lied on? Did you track the source? Gossip is an evil tool used to destroy a person’s character. At some point in time, you’ve probably been exposed to gossip or rumors; you might have given or received this information. How did you feel? Gossip usually has some aspect of truth to make it believable. If you look around your office, church, and community, you can find someone who has been damaged by gossip. No one can escape it. Gossip is no respecter of status or rank in our societynot judge, minister, celebrity, handicap, or child. Gossip spreads like a wild fire. It is almost always negative.
The Gossip Connection
What does it mean to gossip? According to the Webster Dictionary, gossip refers to rumors, and idle talk, especially about the affairs of others. It can happen to anyone—even me. While in junior high school, I remember talking with some guys from school near a busy intersection. The guys started smoking marijuana; I wasn’t participating. However, one student saw us talking. The next day at school the story came out that I was smoking with them (yes, I was in the wrong place at the time). I marveled at the speed of this information. I knew where the rumors came from. I laughed it off. The gossip eventually flamed out, and my reputation was left intact. Many people have not been as lucky as me. Unfortunately, most people get their reputations damaged, but they are not able to track the origin of the gossip. The people who spread the gossip throw mud and hide in the shadow of the dark. These gossipers who intentionally destroy a person’s reputation are like criminals who fatally shoot people in the back. Do they deserve a fair trial in court? It’s not fair that someone can throw out slanderous remarks with little evidence and folks still believe it. Gossipers can’t wash their hands in the matter and hope that the blood is not on their hands. (It didn’t work for Pontius Pilate and it won’t work for you.)
The Gossip Test
Before you go spread any rumors, you should ask yourself some questions:
Do you know anyone hurt from gossip?
Do you start gossip about people or just help spread it?
What do you do when someone shares vicious rumors?
Do you feel an obligation to tell others about gossip?
How do you feel when someone’s reputation is damaged?
The Gossip Resolution
Everyone has some flaws; however, people who accuse others often fail to see their own shortcomings. Jean Toomer once said, ” All men have faults. Small men are blind to their own, and therefore main small.” Each person is responsible to determine how he or she will deal with gossip and the source. Try not to place yourself in compromising positions that will stimulate rumors. This is often difficult to foresee. Try to be prudent in your approach. Another way to deal with gossip is to insert your name into the story. How does it make you feel? Good? Stay far away from gossipers. It could easily be you next. Start today and gain control.
Daryl and Estraletta Green provide personal advice all around the country. Daryl is the author of two books, Awakening the Talents Within and My Cup Runneth Over. They have been noted and quoted in such media organizations such as USA Today, NBC’s Alive at Five, Heaven 600, Answerline, American Urban Radio, The Bev Smith Show, The Hallerin Hill Show, Ebony Magazine, and BET’s Buy the Book. The Green’s nationally syndicated column, FamilyVision, reached 200 newspapers and over 12 million readers. For a free list of the Green’s Top Ten Life, Changing Books, you can email at their website, http://www.darylandestraletta.com
Tags: family, gossip, happiness, marriage, self help, self improvement, womenUnique Challenges for Women in Business
Posted on September 11, 2008 - Filed Under women\'s eye care | Leave a Comment
I’ve been in private practice for almost 10 years, now. I am living my dream; I do what I love to do, the hours I work are the hours I choose to work, and I can often take time off to play with my family or enjoy a friend, if I wish.
But, as most self-employed people, I’m a hard boss, and as a female small business owner, I have much more to do than just ‘work’. As I type this, I am also making lasagna so my husband has something he enjoys eating while I’m out of town for the next few days, working. I also need to fold the laundry that is in the dryer so I can take care of some last minute clothes I want to pack for my trip. Tomorrow I will get up a little earlier than necessary so I can get a quick workout in, then be sure I have my suitcase packed and in the car before I see my first client in the morning, because when I’m out of school, I will leave directly for the airport for my trip. During the trip, if I have all my studying for classes done, I can then start working on my articles and newsletter that will be due soon. I should have all my charting done for my clients before I leave tomorrow, too.
If you are in business for yourself, this probably sounds pretty familiar. If you are just starting out, yes, it sounds scary, and there definitely are days that you will wonder what the heck you are doing, but I am still here to tell you it’s all worth it.
Businesses owned by women are the fastest growing segment of small business owners in the country. Between 1997 and 2004, the estimated growth rate in the number of women-owned businesses was nearly twice that of all businesses. According to the Small Business Association, there are currently 9.1 million women-owned businesses, which employ 27.5 million people and contribute $3.6 trillion to the economy. If you are female and have considered starting up your own business, the time couldn’t be better!
Women are diversifying into all industries, too. Construction, manufacturing and transportation have been the largest recent increases in women-owned firms, although services and retail still make the largest share. Women are more prepared today for running business. The amount of managerial experience, education, business revenue and employment profiles these women have after 10 years of experience equals what took 20 years in the past. Women in business now equal men in these respects.
As mentioned above, although more women are now successfully in business, we do have much more on our plate than just running the business. For women with families, the challenge is to successfully juggle all those responsibilities that go along with running a household that men have traditionally be able to remove themselves while running a business, themselves. So, while doing it all, here are some tips on how to keep your business up and running and thriving and keep your sanity at the same time.
Handling interruptions
Some women run their business out of their home. This is what I do, because much of my practice is email-based. One big interruption that can be quite disruptive is the telephone. When customers call, you want to present a professional face to your business. There are several advantages to getting a separate business line installed in your home. First of all, if you are unable to answer the phone, personally, you will not have family members answering. Just imagine your 7 year old answering the phone Or your husband takes a message and then loses the number or wrote it down wrong. These two examples send a shudder down my spine. Another advantage is then you can actually have ‘private’ time and know that when you answer your personal phone in the evening that it’s not a potential customer calling for attention.
For people who have an office and still struggle with phone interruptions, set up time for yourself that is only for projects. Two options to handle the phone calls is to either get the call display feature on your phone so you can determine who is calling before answering the phone, or shut the ringer off during that pre-determined time you have set aside for projects.
Another common interruption if your business is based out of your home is from family members. Your daughter just got a paper cut, your husband wants to share the news on the TV. If you are in the middle of something that needs your full attention, you can let them know that you are unavailable at the moment but will be with them shortly. Just be sure to then keep your word. This way they will all respect your requests when you make them. Another helpful tip is to not have your workspace in the middle of all the household activity. If you have a separate room you can set your office in, then you can also remove yourself from the noises of the family at necessary times.
For people with an office, this is less likely to happen often with family. However, you may be subject to sales reps, etc. Often just a sign on the door saying no solicitations can be enough to discourage drop-in sales people.
When your list is overwhelming
When you own your own business, there are always things you really want to get done. Now. With a family as well, your attention can be torn in multiple directions, which can increase stress. As your list of goals for the day or week continues to grow, so does the stress level, however. It is critical that we all set up some type of system to organize ourselves.
First of all, something I cannot do without is a daily list of goals. I keep my list small, so I’m able to feel a sense of accomplishment by the end of each day. Because I have a master list in my marketing calendar, I can always add new things to my day, but it’s better to add than feel overwhelmed by not accomplishing too many things. Make sure you prioritize your list, too. At least this way, if you do not accomplish everything, the most important things did get done.
Next, where can you delegate to others? It may be either in your business or your home. Perhaps your spouse can pick up the dry cleaning or the kids. Maybe a parent can help out here and there. Could you use help in your business? Consider an assistant. I have a Virtual Assistant who is like a third arm to me, now. I am able to accomplish twice as much, now, since I’ve hired my VA.
Third, how organized you and your office are will make a big difference in how you feel from day to day. For those with an office, if you don’t have a back room, you may need to always appear orderly and organized. Just make sure you’re not creating piles in places people cannot see. For people with a home-based business, it may either be harder or easier to let things pile up and get out of control. Here are a few tips: Get boxes like the in-box and out-box and use them. For items that need filing, put them in one box and before the end of your day, file them accordingly, with the goal that you always have an empty ‘file’ box. You may also need a box for ‘projects’. Put dates of completion on the projects, and then keep yourself on track with your marketing calendar.
Next, really take a look at how you are using your time. For a day or two, write down every single thing you do, then sit back and analyze it to see how you can become more productive. E-mail can suck the time right out of a day. I have found that prioritizing my email makes a huge difference in how much time I have each day. I have created files for many of my professional listservs, and only when I am done with my daily list, if I have time left, then I can read through some of them.
Something that self-employed people can easily forget about is taking care of themselves. Schedule in time, every day, for some ‘down time’. Maybe that is when you will exercise, just take a walk, take a short afternoon nap, play with the kids outside. Something to break up the day so that your productive and creative juices continue to flow through the day. The advantage of being the boss is you can schedule in these times. Everything we do is a choice, so when someone says they have no time for something, like self-care, this is a choice we make. To be successful in business and life means being successful in health and considering life as a full package, rather than one segment is healthy and another is not. Balance.
Certainly some of these tips apply to men in business as well, however, women in business do truly have more ‘hats’ to wear, and women must make that conscious effort to maintain that balance to be successful in business and in life.
Marjorie Geiser is a registered dietitian, certified personal trainer and life coach. Marjorie has been the owner of a successful small business, MEG Fitness, since 1996, and now helps other health professionals start up their own private practice. To learn more about the services Margie offers, go to her website at http://www.marjoriegeiser.com or email her at margie@megfit.com.
Tags: business, entrepreneur, family, self employed, womenInteriew with Aline Zoldbrod, Author of “Sex Smart How Your Childhood Shaped Your Sexual Life”
Posted on August 21, 2008 - Filed Under women\'s eye care | Leave a Comment
We are pleased to have Aline with us today as she gives as insight on how non-sexual family of origin issues form a persons sexuality.
Irene: Aline, your book “Sex Smart” is a book like none other. Please tell our audience what your book is about.
Aline: “SexSmart: How Your Childhood Shaped Your Sexual Life and What to Do About It” explodes the myth that sexual development is simple and Straight forward. SexSmart’s central message is that healthy sexual development actually is quite varied and complicated. We each come to our adult sexuality having walked down our own special path. And many families in which there was no specific, sexual abuse actually do cause profound damage to childrens’ developing sexuality.
SexSmart explains how the way you were raised in your family– whether you were touched nicely or cruelly or not at all, whether you could depend on your parents to take care of you, whether you got empathy, whether you trusted your parents and your siblings, what the power relationships were, and even whether you were encouraged to have friends–all deeply affect whether you will be able to enjoy sexual pleasure, and also whether you will feel safe being sexual with someone to whom you are emotionally attached. In SexSmart I describe fourteen “Milestones of Sexual Development.”
Irene: How does whether or not you got empathy from your parents have any bearing on sexuality?
Aline: Good parents are empathetic. They let themselves feel what their child is feeling, and then they respond to what the child needs. The more that the child sees that parents will respond to her needs, the more the child trusts that the energy expended to communicate is worth the effort. And so trust, and communication skills, build.
People who did not receive empathy from their parents have many problems with sexual(and emotional) relationships as adults. For instance, if you didn’t get empathy, you might be deeply afraid of getting hurt, so you may avoid getting into relationships altogether. You may be lacking in practice in communicating, or believe that it is pointless to talk about what you want (since you believe no one cares about how you feel.) So if you then do get into a sexual relationship, it is difficult for you to talk about your sexual likes and dislikes, or even to talk about it when a particular sexual activity is causing you anxiety, discomfort or pain.
If an unempathic parent was neglectful or abusive, there is a good chance that you will be chronically tense. If you can’t let yourself relax and be soothed, by definition, you will not be able to enjoy sexual pleasure in the context of a tender, steady relationship.
(You may still be able to enjoy the excitement of a new, lust-filled one, though.)
Irene: What inspired you to write this book?
Aline: Being able to have a sexual bond with a beloved partner is one of the great joys of life. It’s a spiritual, deep, health-giving experience. Sex shouldn’t be a source of anxiety, doubt, shame, or pain. It saddens me that so many people haven’t experienced their sexuality as a force for good in their life. I believe that reading and working through SexSmart can be a path to sexual enlightenment and sexual freedom for many people. As a sex therapist, I have met and helped hundreds and hundreds of men and women who are unhappy with their sexual selves. But as an author, I can help people I never even met.
There are so many women and men in America and in the world who do not enjoy being sexual. They don’t enjoy feeling sexual as a solo activity, and they don’t feel safe and comfortable being sexual with a partner. Some of them feel guilty. Some of them experience sex as needing to be a perfect performance each time, which spoils it. Some of them have sexual dysfunctions caused by anxiety and lack of education. And some had childhoods that were flawed in such a way that they literally do not know what it feels like to experience sexual tinglings and urgings in their own body.
You would be surprised to know how many people think that in reality, sexuality isn’t that great, that sexual pleasure is nothing much, and that all the emphasis on sex is a big media hoax! I hope that readers will use SexSmart as a map, guiding them to un-do the damage suffered by growing up in a dysfunctional family.
Irene: Why would some people think that sex is a big media hoax?
Aline: Each of us only knows the experience we have in our own body. People who have never experienced sexual pleasure in their own bodies have no reason to believe other people who insist that sex feels great.
There are large numbers of people who never learned that any kind of touch feels good. Many people grew up in “good” families with parents who were responsible, but unaffectionate. So they don’t unconsciously or consciously link touch and love. Others grew up with parents who were unbelievably anxious, and they absorbed so much anxiety from their parents’ touch that they associate touch with anxiety.
Far too many people grew up in families where they witnessed or experienced violence, which is devastating to sexuality. Witnessing or experiencing violence alters one’s feelings about being safe in one’s own body. I believe it can be as negative an experience, sexually, as some kinds of sexual abuse. Witnessing or being the direct victim of violence in your family teaches you that it’s not safe to love or trust. It teaches you that it’s not a good idea to ever let down your guard emotionally. It literally changes people’s “BodyMaps” so that it becomes impossible to relax, let go of control, and allow another person to pleasure you. The body remembers! If you were slapped in the face, for instance, you might flinch when someone you love tries to caress your face. If you came from a physically violent family, you can learn to experience sexual pleasure. But to do so, you have to process what happened to you, not minimize it.
Think of your associations to touch and trust as the first step in a
cascade of good physical and emotional associations you must feel first in your body before you can feel the building up of sexual arousal:
love=> touch => trust=> love=> safety=> drift=> float
love=> touch => trust=> love=> safety=> drift=> float => AROUSAL
Consistent, good experience with loving touch helps you to make
crucial links which you need. You need to be able to link love with touch, and touch with safety. If you can’t make these associations, you need to re-learn touch. Otherwise, you may never experience sex as pleasurable.
Irene: You claim that “sexual abuse” can happen in families in where there was not, literally, sex abuse. Please explain what that means.
Aline: Most people have an inadequate, shallow sense of what the building blocks of healthy sexuality are. Healthy sexuality is not based just in what you were told about sex, or in your appropriate or inappropriate sexual experiences in your family. It’s about what you witnessed and learned in your family about trust, safety, touch, gender relationships, anxiety, power, self worth, your body, and friendship. One basic motivation to be sexual comes from what you learned about being in relationship to another person. Was it worth getting close to another human being emotionally, let alone sexually?
People completely underestimate the effects of neglect, emotional abuse, physical abuse, or having an alcoholic or drug addicted parent on their sexuality. I have begun to call these other kinds of abuse “non sexual abuse.”
Sexual abuse is a horrible thing. However, I am certain that in terms of numbers of people affected, more people in America have sexual issues caused by growing up in families in which there was NON-SEXUAL abuse–such as lack of loving touch, alcoholism or drug abuse, physical violence, emotional abuse, or neglect–than were hurt by actual sexual abuse.
Irene: What would be some sexual issues that are caused by, what you say, “non-sexual abuse”?
Aline: Well, as an example, let me just pick the Milestone of Touch, and show you two lists from SexSmart. Readers should ask themselves what are their associations to touch.
You can’t enjoy sex if you don’t like touch. I like to say that touch is the “Ground Zero” of sexuality. People who had a good experience with touch have wonderful associations to touch.
Here are some good associations from my patients. Touch equals: pleasure, relaxation, fun, softness, good memories, comfort, normal, help, connection, I’m worth touching, calming, indulgence, massage, deep breathing, good mother, good father, sensuality, a worthwhile activity, good sexual memories.
good sexual memories
Contrast this to the associations to touch that people have when there was lack of affection, neglect, or violence. Touch equals: fear, controlling, out of control, awkward, pain, numb, tense/anxiety, guilt, startle response, bad memories, discomfort, weird, danger, confusion, what does this mean?, jumpy, is this proper? Uptight, holding breath, no mother, bad mother, no father, bad father, boring, a waste of time, no sexual memories.
Irene: Your hope is that people who read “Sex Smart” will see themselves in the book, or that some of the information will speak to them. What particular areas do you feel are the most important for the readers to relate to.
Aline: It’s funny. I have to say that every person reading SexSmart responds to different pieces of it. SexSmart discusses sexual development sequentially, beginning with birth and going through my fourteen Milestones of Sexual Development. (For instance, touch, empathy, trust, body image, gender identity, and so on.) Different readers’ families created problems at each Milestone. Readers absorb the book and highlight the parts that speak to them, personally, along with the workbook questions that challenge them the most.
Irene: In your practice, do you see more of one particular issue, than others? If so, what is it, and please explain why this particular issue is more prevalent?
Aline: Well, Irene, coming from a dysfunctional family can lead to just about every sexual dysfunction in the world, but I’ll comment on a few which I see frequently. The first is probably longstanding low sexual desire. People who grow up in families where there is very little tenderness, touch, caring, empathy, or safety have a hard time trusting in an emotional sense, and they also have an almost impossible time relaxing in their body. So it is common to meet people from difficult families who have never experienced sexual desire in their entire lives, because they have never allowed themselves to relax, breathe deeply, and allow sexual feelings and impulses to emerge and percolate through their bodies. They literally don’t know, can’t identify, and can’t even tolerate sexual feelings. So they don’t believe they can have sexual feelings.
Another typical effect of growing up with “non-sexual sexual abuse” is sexual addiction, especially in men. It is common for boys who grow up in unaffectionate, neglectful, emotionally abusive, or violent homes to discover masturbation as a way to self-soothe. When they were sad or scared, they masturbated. Having an orgasm is like a drug; it changes body chemistry and temporarily dulls painful feelings. It creates a habit of using sex as a crutch, a pattern where men feel that sex is their most important need or that sex is THE cure to unhappy feelings.
Irene: Your book is of importance for parents who want their children to grow up and have positive views of their sexuality. In what ways do you believe parents can affirm to their children that their bodies and their sexuality be accepted in a positive manner?
Aline: I think parents’ biggest obligation to their children is to address their own sexuality. How can you create a child with healthy sexuality if you aren’t comfortable using touch to soothe, or if you don’t feel happy in your own body, or if you think sex is dirty or scary, or if you believe all people of the opposite gender are evil or cruel? If your sexuality was damaged in your own family of origin, fix that first.
Abuse of all kinds goes down the generations. When you take the steps to stop denying what went wrong in your own family, when you have the courage to say “ouch!,” to get into therapy to change things, the buck stops with you. The brave person who goes into therapy and admits the pain he or she suffered can stop the cycle of abuse (of whatever kind) for all the generations which come after him or her.
Irene: I understand you saying that parents need to address their own sexual issues first. However, I would imagine some people don’t feel they have issues because they actually believe their beliefs about sex are correct. Some may even be influenced by religious beliefs. How do you propose to address these parents and have them be aware of the damage they are causing their children?
Aline: I think that most parents want their children to be able to grow up and enjoy being sexual once they are married. Conservative parents do want to make sure that children are celibate BEFORE marriage. I hope that SexSmart can get the word out to all parents about how important affectionate touch, empathy, and trust, and good power relationships are to children. If children are allowed to explore their own bodies, which is important, and if they also have these basic Milestones of Sexual Development, they will grow into sexually healthy adults. If you want to raise your child conservatively, I think you’ll find a lot of useful information about how to insure that your child turns out to be both responsive and responsible sexually as an adult.
Irene: Taking self-responsibility is the most important aspect of creating a healthy view of one’s own sexuality and what one does with it. Why do you believe that others often influence unhealthy views? What are some of the most common unhealthy views that our society has imposed upon us?
Aline: It is normal to be influenced by the people around us. It’s a fact of life. I wish that there were more normal looking people on TV and in the magazines. With all these thin, perfect, surgically enhanced, never-aging bodies around us, it’s hard for many women and men to feel that their own natural looking body is sexy enough. Sadly, a lot of people, women especially, seem to feel that only beautiful, thin women “deserve” to enjoy sex. Actually, as they say, the biggest sex organ is between your ears. How you feel about sexuality and being sexual is the most important determinant of whether you will feel sexual. Normal people have imperfect bodies. And imperfect bodies are perfectly able to feel sexual pleasure!
Irene: Yes, TV and magazines do portray a specific stature that our society seems to think is “normal.” So do books. A lot of the romance novels portray “sexy” women and men and readers escape by becoming the character. Why do you believe that people create their own reality through what they see or read?
Aline: Well, as far as we know, fantasizing seems to be a uniquely human trait. As long as it’s in balance, as long as people aren’t avoiding dealing constructively with issues in their own lives, there is nothing wrong with fantasizing. Sometimes, our fantasies help us see what our goals and dreams for ourselves are, in a way that can be constructive.
Irene: You want to reach specific populations with “Sex Smart.” Who do you think would benefit most by reading this book?
Aline: I would recommend SexSmart to anyone who is baffled about why you are who you are sexually, or for anyone who feels confused, unhappy, or ashamed of your sexuality.
I do think that SexSmart might hold a special key to understanding for certain kinds of readers: First, if you are someone who is terribly frightened of getting both sexually and emotionally close to another person, you can use SexSmart to understand your own fears.
Secondly, I hope to reach people affected by physical violence. SexSmart talks in detail about the changes violence caused in your Body Map, in your sense of trust, in your beliefs about gender relationships, and in creating anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder. Family violence may be common, unfortunately, but it is NOT normal, and it shuts down the ability to feel sexual pleasure in close relationships for many people.
Thirdly, if you feel you were destined NOT to have sexual feelings, SexSmart may help you understand why you feel that way. If your sense of being asexual is partly because of your family of origin, SexSmart can help you discover how to become more comfortable with feeling sexual stirrings in your body and toward others.Ironically, on the other hand, many people who have sexual compulsions, who feel insatiable sexual feelings, also find answers in SexSmart. Lastly, I want to reach people who grew up in homes where they suffered emotional abuse or neglect.
Irene: “Sex Smart” is not only a book to read, but also a workbook. Please give us a little insight about the workbook aspect of it.
Aline: As a therapist, I assign homework between sessions. Writing down feelings is an important part of processing them. I find that my patients make more progress in changing when they are active participants. They get more insights, and they move through pain faster. SexSmart is so full of information that unless readers highlight the text and choose and complete some of the exercises which fit them, they won’t get the full benefit. In the homework, I always make the reader write down what the positives are that they need to focus on–what they wished they had said or done, or what they need to do now to fix the problem. The homework can help the reader transform some sad memories and realizations into targeted plans for change.
I plead with you, readers, do the workbook! It’s kind of like when you have a vivid, detailed dream at night, and you want to get up and write it down, but you’re too lazy. And so you rationalize it and tell yourself, “Wow, that dream was so amazing, so unusual, so wild. I’ll be sure to remember it when I am up.’ And then, at 7:00AM, when the alarm goes off, you wake up and say, “Man, that was a wild dream I had last night. Something about a cake. Hmmm. Blue cake?? Hmm.”
And you’ve lost the entire message your unconscious was sending you because you were too lazy to get your rear end up and write it down. Same thing. Use the workbook in SexSmart!!!
Irene: Do you believe it is important to work with a qualified therapist when reading and doing the workbook portion?
Aline: I think it would be a very good idea to work with a qualified therapist reading and doing the exercises in SexSmart if you had a very traumatic childhood. If you look at the diagram of the Milestones of Sexual Development at http://www.SexSmart.com/solvingproblems.htm, and you find that you had problems with the first three Milestones, Touch, Empathy, and Trust; you should find a good therapist anyway, because it will be an investment in the quality of your entire life.
If you grew up with alcoholism, drug abuse, physical violence, neglect,
or emotional abuse, trust me, you did have a traumatic childhood. I find that people tend to “normalize” what happened to them. It’s painful to think of yourself as a victim. Most people think of themselves as survivors. In my work, I meet the most amazing survivors. But it’s common that they are doing great in every way except sexually. That’s where all the pain and trauma resides, walled off from the rest of their life, of their success. If you’re ready to read SexSmart, then you’re ready to confront your past. But get yourself some extra support. Don’t go it alone. There are certainly some readers who will be fine on their own. If you are reading it because you are curious about yourself, but your family was basically quite a good one, you’ll probably be fine.
If you THOUGHT you had a good childhood and then begin reading SexSmart
and find yourself disturbed by what you read, yes, get yourself some professional help.
Irene: Thank you Aline, this has been very interesting. Is there anything else that you would like your reading audience to know about your or your book?
Aline: Thanks Irene. I am grateful to you for the chance to talk in so much depth about
SexSmart. I would be so delighted if this Reader Views interview encouraged people who have grown up with alcoholism, drug abuse, neglect, or physical and emotional violence to begin exploring the ways their upbringing has hurt their ability to enjoy their sexuality.
Irene Watson is Managing Editor of Reader Views
http://www.readerviews.com